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    5/6/2006

    过去了的冬天

    那个冬天来临前的某一个夜晚,我游弋在后海。我没有从地安门经过,那里有一个老妇人在等待良人归来,前年等待留下的是城头腐朽的铁衣。我没有胆量夜里经过地安门。我穿过银锭桥后,踏入了落花之地。走在海子边上,我想着前一个冬天湖上溜冰的人们,人们的笑声好像一直在湖面飘荡,我一直都能听到。
    有时我真的感到很寂寞,有时我是在为自己创造落寞的感受。寂寞是一种极其良好的感受,让我内心容易处于一种自我感叹的状态,非常有利于释放我的一种特殊情怀。我一直认为,就算世界真的抛弃了我,我也一定是这样渡过每一个季节的。
    那个夜晚,我注定要怀着一种天生的忧郁气质去迎接冬天。
    那个夜晚离北京的冬天还有1个月,我还是一团表面明静的火焰。在春秋短暂的北京,深秋里我如同处于夏天。
    就是那样我迎来了冬天,这个冬天消灭了季节的轮回。今天北京已经短袖了,但是我还是在冬天,我看着明媚的春光,发现这和冬天没有区别。
    冬天就是黑夜,我历来都是走夜路的人,所以见惯了夜里的歧途和凶险,对于黑夜里的一切我都习以为常,没有恐惧,没有波动。
    冬天是个好的季节,可以裹着严实的衣服,保护着自己的心脏,穿行在极寒之地,徒步去向自己的圣地。一路颠簸流离,饮雪止渴,含冰充饥,胡须飞长,满面沧桑。一心去朝拜极光。
    到了圣地,就卸下身上所有的武装,虔诚地坐在那里,像一蹲金刚,坐在圣地入口,防范一切邪恶的入侵,与一切邪恶的力量作抗争,一生一世!

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